I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
