Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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