I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
