I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Boobs speak an international language.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
