ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My pussy is not your playground.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
