This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize