oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize