First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
