New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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