Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
