I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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