I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize