sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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