she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
