i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is Oprah even human
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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