It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
