Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
