I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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