I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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