so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
