dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize