Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
