True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
