Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
