i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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