no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
