i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I want a musical about memes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
