Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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