Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
