do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Randomize
