I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
