So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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