just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
