BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
