It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
