Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
