is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
