YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
