It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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