there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize