who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
