I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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