Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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