You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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