you guys were way drunker than both of me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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