the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
