If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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