am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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