that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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