I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
