I think im going to throw up on grandma
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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