Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
