dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
