Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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