once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All the doctor said was why
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
