We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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