my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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