Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
