We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
