We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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