All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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