Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
