So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
