Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
