Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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