I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
