I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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