we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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