Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
