Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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