I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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