cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
