If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
