***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
