she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
