Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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