shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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