You're my little dorito
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
