Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish you could order shots online.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
