Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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