I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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