Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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