Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
