I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
