the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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