i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
