I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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