okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
