I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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