Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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