i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
