on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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