i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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