remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think my fart just growled at me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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