i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize