Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize