My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
