I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
