haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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