there's paper in my vomit.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
