hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize