On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
