She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
