I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
