after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
