So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My dick has a subreddit
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
