There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
