He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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