My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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