Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
