Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
